(A letter from a guy.)
In the eighth grade I heard a rumor about this guy at school who was having sex with a girl in my eighth grade class. I was so envious! When I was 13 years old, I thought about girls almost all the time. There was this one really cute girl I really liked, but I didn't think she would ever go for me. Then one day, I found out she liked me too! I was so happy! We were boyfriend and girlfriend for the rest of the school year. We were always holding hands and kissing. It was awesome!
After graduation, she met another guy and broke up with me. When summer was over we got back together as freshmen in high school. I found out she had been sexually active with the other guy and before long we became sexually active also. As a fourteen year old guy, I thought this was way better than holding hands. Then one day, she told me she thought she was pregnant! Now, I was scared.
We were afraid to tell our parents and we thought about going to our high school counselors, but thought if we did then everyone would know, so we ended up looking in the yellow pages for a pregnancy clinic. We found one about six miles from my house and called to get an appointment for a pregnancy test. We rode our bikes to the clinic and my girlfriend got tested. The test came back positive. She was pregnant.
We met with a counselor who told us about a procedure called abortion. They said it was safe, and simple, would only take one day, and no one would ever know. It sounded good to us, so we went ahead with it, but it wasn't quite as simple as we were told. My girlfriend bled heavily for several days and was in a lot of pain. Eventually, she healed and we forgot about it.
To help us make sure that she didn't get pregnant again, the clinic sold us birth control pills. We remained sexually active since we thought she was pregnant proof. I don't know what happened or why, but after a few months my girlfriend was pregnant again. This time I wasn't scared, I was angry at her for being so dumb to get pregnant again. Now I had to pay for another abortion, so we broke up and her parents took her to a hospital for an abortion.
Before long, I got a new girlfriend and we became sexually active almost right away. I took her to the clinic and put her on birth control pills and hoped she would remember to take them. Unfortunately, this new girlfriend ended up getting pregnant not once, but twice! So, I paid for two more abortions. This was my fourth pregnancy in high school.
Several years later, I was a married man. I came home from work one day and she told me she was pregnant. I didn't know how to react because every other time a girl told me she was pregnant, it was bad news. Once I got over that, I became very excited about becoming a father! I would go to my wife's doctor appointments and I bought a book all about pregnancy so we would understand what was going on in her body. The more I read, the more amazed I was at how human beings are formed. When the baby was finally born, I was in awe of this little person I was holding. She was perfect! Then something terrible happened. I had this sick feeling come over me as I remembered all of the other babies I had aborted. Why didn't anyone tell me these were my children? Even today, in my forties, I still cry when I think about them. I just wish I could hold them and tell them how sorry I am.
My parents had divorced when I was a teenager and I found myself disconnected from my family. This probably played a part in many of the poor decisions I made as a young person. Later, after I was already a grown man with children, my father remarried and he and his wife adopted two sons. The boys came from two different women who didn't want or couldn't handle these babies. Watching my two new "brothers" grow up in their new home gave me a chance to see how adoption can be a life saving alternative to abortion.
Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be the parent of a baby released to adoption. One word that comes to mind is “hope”. I think where there is life, there is hope. In the case of my aborted children, there really isn't any. There is no chance I will ever see those kids in this life. I'll never hear about how those children grew up to be happy, healthy, productive adults. In that regard, I have no hope.
Here's the good news. Even though I hated myself for the things I'd done and I knew there was nothing I could do to change the past, I found forgiveness in the love of God. As a young adult, I went to church for the first time in my life. The pastor told me about how God had provided a way for me to be forgiven for all the things I had done wrong. He told me God demanded payment for my sin and that payment was death. But instead of taking my life, He substituted His Son Jesus Christ. When Jesus died on the cross, He paid for my sin. All I had to do was accept His forgiveness and lordship in my life. I chose to do this over twenty years ago and He blessed me with a new life of hope, including five great children, a faithful wife and a successful business.
I've shared my story to help any young men who happen to be reading this learn from the painful decisions I made. I wish someone would've talked honestly to me when I was young. Pregnancy and abortion are not just women's issues. Guys are very much involved and affected by the sexual choices that couples make. My prayer for you is that you will make your choices wisely. If you have already done some things you are sorry for, I recommend you do what I did and learn more about the forgiveness and love that is available to you from the God who created and loves you.
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